


Almost Is Never Enough

by Journalist101



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:11:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Journalist101/pseuds/Journalist101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Standing at his wedding, they think about the past and what could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Is Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something that popped into my head when the song came on my playlist.

_I'd like to say we gave it a try, I’d like to blame it all on life, maybe we just weren’t right, but that’s a lie, that’s a lie_

 

Watching him now, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever be as happy as he looked—if she could ever be as happy with someone who wasn’t him. Standing there in her scratchy, satin bridesmaid gown, she couldn’t help but think of the time when it might have been her in his arms, her in the wedding dress with his arms around her. But they never really gave it real shot, they never really got their chance. How sad that you can say that after seventeen years together, but it was true.

 

Truthfully, standing here sipping her champagne a little too quickly, she knew there was a time. A time when they really had a shot—right before he started dating his wife, just after that disaster at the Cup of Russia. That night, she’d almost gave in, but she stopped them because timing is everything. She’d been sure that they’d get a second chance, she even planned for it so she’d be ready the next time. But sometimes things never work out the way that you want them, she thought, shaking her head ruefully. The world works in mysterious ways and life has a funny way of catching up with you. Forcing a smile, she turned away from them—not before the groom caught her eye.

 

Looking at him for just that brief second, she was almost positive that they were right for each other. In a different life, they could have been magnificent. How could they not be after everything they’d accomplished and done in life together? She recalled all the times they danced around the subject, adamantly denying their relationship, characterizing it as being only friends. They had worked so hard convincing everyone else that there was nothing else going, they ended up convincing themselves, regardless of the truth. Maybe, they’d been just too good actors. 

 

_And we can deny it all that we want, but in time our feelings will show_

 

She was accurately aware that her face was betraying her now. Her smile had slipped from her face and she could see their friends and family watching her. Pushing back a stray lock of hair that had escaped her bun, she pretended not to notice the sad, almost pitying looks that she was receiving. They still cut her but she should be used to them by now. Perhaps, the only person who was oblivious was the groom but she supposed she was lucky like that. It would be so much worse for her knowing that he would be able to know what she was thinking.

 

Looking down at her dress, she hated it at the moment—it wasn’t an ugly dress but the color—the color was lavender. She wondered what possessed them to choose those colors after everything. She couldn’t stand the sight of lavender anymore, not after Sochi, not after almost confessing her own feelings that night. That night had been perfect but even with the perfect setting, she’d been unable to tell him. So this dress was just a reminder of her own cowardice, her own unrequited love, her own failure.

 

_‘Cause sooner or later, we’ll wonder why we gave up, the truth is everyone knows_

 

She wondered if he ever thought about what could have been. She knew she did, almost every day, whenever a song came on the radio that they skated to or a puppy that reminded her a little too much of his, or when she saw a picture of them. Did he ever think that it could have been them? Did he ever wonder what would have happened if they stuck it out—if he would have tried harder or if she had been less afraid? Seeing her mother’s look, she knew her mother was able to know exactly what she was thinking and she blushed. She didn't want everyone to know but it seems that she wasn’t nearly as good an actress as she thought she’d been. His sisters’ looks were equally as sad. The sad truth was that everyone knew how she felt—everyone but the groom. 

 

_Almost, almost is ever enough, so close to being in love, if I would have know that you wanted me the way that I wanted you, then maybe we wouldn’t be two worlds apart_

 

She watched him excuse himself from his bride and make his way over to her with that smile that she knew and loved. Without words, he took her hand and led her onto the floor. There was never any need for words between them, they understood each other so instinctively—except when it comes to this. She was positive that she was in love with him. She was positive that if he would have given her a sign, no matter how small, she would have said something. But almosts and maybes and mixed signals never help. And she wasn’t brave enough to take a leap based on any of those things.

 

_But right here in each others arms, and we almost, we almost knew what love was_

 

But here in this moment, In his arms, she felt home. She felt safe and loved, like the way she’d been feeling since she was a teenager. And in his arms, today, she could almost pretend that she was the one that he loved beyond all reason and doubt, the one he married. Closing her eyes, she let him invade her senses. She couldn’t look at him for fear he’d know and she didn’t wait to ruin the moment. She finally peered up at him under her lashes, and she thought for a minute she saw something that looked an awful lot like regret but it was gone before she could really figure it out. Forcing a smile, she savored the dance which encompassed all of their missed opportunities and moments. Being in his arms, she fell back in love with him, so easily. She knew it would be easy to pretend _but almost is never enough._

 

_If I could change the world overnight, there’d be no such thing as goodbye, you’d be standing right where you were, and we'd get the chance we deserve_

 

He was dancing with his new wife when he saw her. She was standing there glass of champagne in one hand, pensive look on her face. She didn’t notice him looking at her, which he was happy for—afraid that she’d see what was on his face. Admiringly, he looked at her petite form clad in her bridesmaid dress. It looked perfect, she looked perfect—except for that look on her face.

 

He knew it was wrong to be thinking of another woman on his wedding day but he couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t as though he didn’t love his bride—she was wonderful and everything he wanted in a life partner but she wasn’t her. He didn’t like regrets for various reasons but he regretted so many things today. If he could go back and change it all, he wouldn’t hesitate. But he can’t and the reality is that today is his wedding day to a wonderful woman who is not her. 

 

If he could go back and redo it all, he’d make sure he told her. He would have stopped her that day in Russia, he would have forced her to listen to him instead of accepting what she wanted without a single protest. He’d make sure she knew, that they had their chance—even if it ended the same way. But in his mind, he knew that if he changed it then it would be her in his arms. They’d be side by side, married. But there’s no such thing as rewriting the past. And they’d never get their chance. That was a bitter pill to swallow, but he had accepted it and he had moved on, but right now he couldn’t think about what might have happened, how different things could have been.

 

_And we can deny it all that we want, but in time our feelings will show_

 

There were times over the years that he was sure that she knew, that she had been able to guess the depth of his feelings but she never said a word. Even if she felt nothing, he wished he would have been able to tell her. Because anything—heartbreak, anger—would be better than regret. He shouldn’t be feeling regret on his wedding day, but it was inevitable because looking at her, he saw ghosts of the past he had hoped he buried a long time ago.

 

He remembered all of the times they answered questions about their relationship, they gave the same patented answers about their special bond and unique relationship. And he wondered how it could be so obvious to everyone else but her. His bride made a slight movement as she rested her head on his chest, bringing him back to the present. He felt guilt at forgetting her—forgetting hew as dancing with her. Focusing on her made him feel less guilty for being unable to tear his eyes away from his partner while he was dancing with her. But still guilt ate at him and he could feel the pitying glances, spared their way. It was obvious that his focus wasn’t entirely on her and she didn’t even realize it. 

 

_Cause sooner or later, we’ll wonder why we gave up, the truth is everyone knows_

 

As the music started to wind down, he accidentally caught her eye from across the room. And for a minute, he could see the inter workings of her mind—he could see that maybe she had felt the same way and they missed their chance. And he wondered why they never tried, how could they give up. Neither one of them were quitters, neither one ever gave up easily. He let out a sigh that he hoped his wife didn’t notice. And the truth was he knew why, they had been scared. They had been scared of screwing everything up, making a mess, so instead they gave up, they moved on—or they tried to move on. Looking at her, he wasn’t sure if he ever moved on. Pulling his wife close, he dropped a kiss to the top of her head and excused himself.

 

_Almost, almost is ever enough, so close to being in love, if I would have know that you wanted me the way that I wanted you, then maybe we wouldn’t be two worlds apart_

 

He made his way across the room and took her hand. Their eyes communicating what their voices failed to do. He pulled her to the dance floor. He was determined that he’d get at least one dance with her. One dance was all he could afford, all he could bear, but he’d take it. Holding her tight, he moved them easily to the music. He wondered if he would have know that she wanted him like had had desperately wanted her, then maybe they would be different. Maybe the circumstances could be different. Closing his eyes, he let himself pretend.

 

_But right here in each others arms, and we almost, we almost knew what love was_

 

In her arms, it was comfort and love—it was familiarity that is only achieved by knowing the other person inside and out. He knew that nothing felt better than being with her and on the dance floor, he could pretend that things were different. He could pretend it was their wedding day instead of just his. It was wrong and cruel but he loved her. He felt regret seep into his skin and it flashed through his eyes. Luckily, no one was close enough to see it, except for her and her eyes were closed. Holding her, he knew that he loved her and that they had been close. They’d been so close but close isn’t close enough. He fell back under her spell and it would have been far to easy to get swept away in the fantasy, _but almost is never enough._

 

_Oh, oh baby, you know, you know, baby, almost, baby, is never enough, baby, you know, and we can deny it as much as we want, but in time our feelings will show,’cause sooner or later, we’ll wonder why we gave up, the truth is everyone knows_

 

Holding each other close, they allowed themselves to just focus on each other, to forget anyone else even existed. He memorized her every feature, wanting to remember this moment forever and she committed the way he looked at her to memory, hoping that she’ll never forget how he was looking at her. Their families stood, frozen watching them with sad smiles, understanding what was happening. Their mothers cried, while their fathers comforted them. Their siblings exchanged sad knowing looks. The bride even had a slightly wistful look on her face, perhaps even she could have pictured their future if…The bride didn’t even want to finish that thought so she turned away.

 

_Almost, almost is never enough, we were so close to being in love, if I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you, then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart, but right here in each other's arms_

 

Looking at each as the dance started to end, they both realized that they were once again thinking the same thoughts. In an instant, they both knew what could have been, what might have been. How could they think that the other wouldn’t be on the same page? Torn between wanting to laugh at their stupidity and cry at their lost opportunity, they settled for soft nostalgic smiles—it was the only acceptable expression. Their eyes saying what they had denied for so long, saying what they couldn’t say. 

 

_And we almost, we almost knew what love was_

 

Eyes locked on each other and they almost knew what it could be like, what it might have been like. They were able to pretend, imagine their future. They broke eye contact, unable to keep up the charade, because the truth hit a little too close to home. Swaying slower, they ignored the hope that had bubbled up, before reality settled back in. So close, _but almost is never enough._

 

_Oh, oh baby, you know, you know, baby, almost is never enough baby, you know_

 

As the song ended, Charlie caught Meryl’s eye once more and he saw what she was asking him. He bent his head down and she whispered, “We were so close.” He hugged her closer and nodded, neither one was able to tell the other how much they loved the other. As they parted ways, they exchanged one more glance and locking eyes once more, and both thought _almost is never enough._

 


End file.
